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#41 Matthew Bluefox

Matthew Bluefox

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Posted 22 October 2006 - 08:44 AM

If you didn't do that many spaces, we wouldn't have to scroll all the way down so often and the thread would be more compact. Other than that, nice one. :(

#42 Gregory House

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Posted 20 February 2007 - 03:36 AM

"First Officer's Log: We have followed a Borg cube back in time to prevent them from altering history. Unfortunately, Captain Braxton's Borg implant has not yet regrown to the point where it prevents his little 'episodes' near temporal phenomena, so he is now currently yelling at his own toes..."

Ducane tried to shout over Braxton's ranting. "What is the stardate, Dax?"

Dax checked the scanners. "Stardate 44001.4! That's the stardate for the first Borg invasion of the Federation!"

"They must be attempting to hook up with the Borg vessel currently holding Captain Picard! Continue pursuit!"

"I can't do that, sir."

"And why not?"

"The 29th Century cube has stopped and is turning towards us!"

"Wait a minute... If it's a cube, and all sides look the same, how can you tell which way its facing?"

"Uh... Good point..."

The cube began firing weapons at the Relativity. Even by rotating the shield frequencies, the ship was soon at the mercy of the Borg.

A Borg drone beamed onto the bridge in a flash of light. Several of the crew members fired phasers at it, but they were all deflected.

Ducane stepped forward. "State your objective!"

You will surrender Braxton, Captain of the Timeship Relativity.

The drone watched Braxton for a second as he continued to yell at his own toes. After a look of disgust on the drone's face, the Collective changed its mind. On second thought... You will surrender... uh... Kes! Yeah, that's the ticket! You will surrender Kes!

"Why Kes?"

Well, the promo for this episode says we have to take Kes.

"Not necessarily. You know how those promos are..."

Yeah, but in this case it was telling the truth. We are taking Kes. Resistance is futile, yadda yadda yadda...

So the drone grabbed Kes, and the two of them disappeared in a green flash. Seconds later, the cube continued on its way. The Doctor showed up minutes later to administer Braxton's medication.

Braxton put his shoes back on and thought for a minute. "Ducane, do we have the flight path for the 24th Century cube in our database?"

"Yes, sir."

"Good. Plot an intercept course for it, maximum hyperwarp!"

"But what about the 29th Century cube?"

"Trust me, Ducane, it'll come to us..."

"How do you know this, sir?"

"Never mind, Ducane! Just do it!"

Meanwhile, the Enterprise-D was in hot pursuit of the 24th Century Borg cube...






"For the last time, Shelby, you can not have my job!"

"Aw... You're mean!"

"Yeah, yeah..."

Data checked the readings on the scanners. "Sir, I'm reading two ships on an intercept course."

Riker turned his attention from the obnoxious Shelby to Data. "Two? Identify!"

"One is Starfleet, but I do not recognize the hull configuration."

"The second?"

"If my readings are accurate, it is another Borg cube."

"Well, this is just great! I'll bet this one is going to kidnap me and turn me into a Borg!"

The 29th Century cube dropped out of transwarp and proceeded to dock with the 24th Century cube. Riker gasped. "Oh no! The two Borg cubes have merged to form a Borg rectangular solid!"

Shelby shook her head. "Actually, sir, I think it's called a rhomboid."

Worf chimed in. "It is a parallelepiped."

Riker slammed his fist into his console. "I'm the acting captain, and if I say its a rectangular solid, its a rectangular solid!"

Worf muttered under his breath, "Your geometry is without honor!"

Meanwhile, at the core of the half of the Borg rectangular solid/rhomboid/parallelepiped that was from the 29th Century, Kes found herself tied to a Borgish-looking table. "Hey, let me out of here!"

The Borg Queen (hereafter to be called Borg Queen #2, seeing as how she's from the future) stepped out of the shadows. I think not, no...

"Oh great, we have a Borg who thinks she's Megatron..."

Silence! Soon, we will add your biological and technological distinctiveness to our own...

"I don't think so!"

And with that, Kes tried to use her nearly-omnipotent powers to escape the chair. Unfortunately, that didn't work. Borg Queen #2 laughed. Ha! We bound you with anti-nearly-omnipotent-powers restraints! You'll not be escaping that way! Besides, it would be rude to leave before our guests arrived...


As if on cue, another Borg Queen (hereafter to be known as Borg Queen #1) and Locutus walked into the chamber. Borg Queen #1 walked up to Borg Queen #2. Who are you?

I am you, from 500 years in the future!

Impossible! You look nothing like me!

You'd be surprised how often I get that. I show my drones my high school yearbook, and they can't believe that was me...

Shut up! Anyway, why are you here?

I'm here to alter history! You screw up this attempt to assimilate the Federation, so I'm here to make sure you get it right!

Oh, and you have a better track record?

At that point, Borg Queen #2 fell to the ground sobbing, remembering all the times she had been beaten by Voyager...

Back on the Relativity, the crew was trying to come up with a plan to stop the Borg and rescue Kes...

Braxton thought some more. "How about if we fire torpedoes and phasers at the Borg?"

Ducane shook his head. "For the twentieth time, sir, the Borg have adapted to our weapons! That won't work!"

Yar's console began to beep. "Sir, the Enterprise-D is hailing us!"


"Yes, sir. You know, I used to serve on that ship."

"If I want to know about you, Yar, I'll buy your biography! Anyway, put them onscreen!"

Ducane interrupted. "Sir, contacting them would be a breach of the Temporal Prime Directive. The less they know about their future, the better."

"Well, if we don't get some help, there won't be a future they shouldn't know about! Wait, did that make sense?"

Ducane pulled out his grammar book entitled "Time Travel and Grammar: When Tenses Attack!" and skimmed through it. "Actually, sir, I think that does make sense."

"No, I meant the concept, not the grammar!"

"Oh, well, that makes sense too."


The Enterprise-D's bridge appeared on the main screen. "This is Commander Riker! Identify yourselves!"

Braxton read the notes off his hand. "I am Captain Braxton of the Federation Timeship Relativity! You have committed an act of aggression against..."

Ducane whacked Braxton upside the head. "Wrong hand, you moron!"

Braxton switched hands. "Okay, blah blah blah Braxton yadda yadda yadda 'Relativity'... Ah! We are from 500 years in your future pursuing a Borg ship from our time in an attempt to preserve our timeline. Not only that, one of our crewmen has been taken aboard. Perhaps we could work together to overcome this new Borg threat..."

In the background, Shelby could be heard shouting, "Can I have your job?"

Riker ignored his temporary first officer. "I think that's an excellent idea. We were planning to take a shuttlecraft inside the Borg shielding, beam in, and rescue Picard."

Braxton thought for a second. "That's a good idea. Launch your shuttlecraft, and I'll be beaming over to it momentarily. Braxton out."

The transmission ended, and Braxton headed for the transporter. Ducane objected. "Sir, this is way too dangerous for you! Allow one of us to go to our certain deaths!"

The other crew members hid to avoid being picked, but Braxton was determined to go by himself. "I have... personal business to attend to. You are in command, Ducane."

And with that Braxton beamed out...

Meanwhile, back on the Borg whatevertheheckitscalled, Borg Queen #2 had recovered and began telling her past self about what went wrong during the first Borg invasion. So, they got Locutus back and used him to put all the drones to sleep...

Well, I'll admit Locutus is pretty boring, but he's not that boring!

No, they routed a command through the Collective!


So, if we keep them from getting Locutus back, we should be able to take over the Federation!


Suddenly, both Borg Queens seemed preoccupied with something. Borg Queen #1 breathed a sigh of relief. It's just a shuttle. Nothing to be worried about.

Borg Queen #2 was not so fooled. Idiot! That's how they get aboard to get Locutus! I'll bet they've already beamed aboard!

Sure enough, Data, Worf, and Braxton stormed into the room. Borg Queen #2 smirked at Braxton. You hear our song...

Braxton nodded. "Yes, and I'll tell you, it's awfully annoying to hear 'Bohemian Rhapsody' in your head over and over and over! Hand over Kes and Picard, and we'll leave peacefully!"

Resistance is futile...

Braxton whipped out a little device. "That's what you think! I had Dax and Yar whip this little baby up for me! It'll destroy this entire ship!"

Sure it will...

"It will! You see, 'The Best of Both Worlds, Part II" established that the Borg Collective uses subspace signals similar to a transporter beam! This device incorporates a transporter scrambler, a signal modulator, and a Pentium IV chip to cut off this ship from the Collective! The ship will fall apart, and you'll all be destroyed!"

Egads! Not a Pentium IV chip! Okay, take them!

So, everyone got away, but not before Braxton beamed the device back onto the Borg whatchamacallit, causing it to explode.

Back on the Relativity, Braxton was thinking very hard when Ducane interrupted him. "Sir, what's the matter?"

"Well, Ducane, we may have saved the Federation, but we've radically altered the timeline by doing so. I'm trying to think of how we might fix the damage."

"Already taken care of, sir"


"Yes, sir"

(REFER to second post for the rest :))

#43 Gregory House

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Posted 20 February 2007 - 03:38 AM

^ Refer to post above ^

"First Officer's Private Log, Supplemental. I have received a delayed transmission dated from the 24th Century from myself. Apparently, a Borg invasion of the Federation is imminent. In order to preserve the timeline, I am to shut Captain Braxton up before he reveals there is a huge fleet led by Admiral Picard waiting to destroy the incoming cube. Then, the cube will never go back in time and will never alter history. Neat little reset button, don't you think?"

#44 Gregory House

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Posted 26 March 2007 - 06:51 PM

Episode 34: "The Al-ternative Factor"
Written by: Krenim

"Evil Captain's Evil Log: We are still stuck in the Babylon 5 universe, but things are looking up for us. Zathras knew of somewhere we could sell off some of that technology we raided from the Great Machine, so we're rolling in money! As we near the planet known as Brig'ha'dun, I've decided to give my crew some shore leave. Therefore, we've stopped at the Z'ha'dum Shopping Mall, which was built on the site where the planet used to be. Of course, their motto is 'If you go to Z'ha'dum, you will buy!'"

Dmitri Valtane finally caught up to Janice Rand, who was walking along and looking in shop windows. "There you are, Rand! What are you up to?"

"Oh, looking for something to buy you..."

"I don't believe you."

"Why not?"

"If you go to Z'ha'dum, you will lie!"

"Okay, you got me... So, are you going to give me that Kosh action figure you bought for me?"

"How did you know I got you one?"

"If you go to Z'ha'dum, you will spy!"

So, Valtane handed over the action figure. "Well, let's be getting back to the Excelsior. This place is too hot!"

"Well, you know what they say..."

"If you go to Z'ha'dum, you will fry?"


And so, the two walked back to the ship together, knowing full well that their actions would inevitably lead to the creation of Valtane/Rand 'shippers...

Meanwhile, back on the Excelsior, Evil Braxton was in his quarters consulting the Apocalypse Box...

"So this Brig'ha'dun place isn't too much farther?"

"No, not much farther."

"Excellent! Almost all the crew is back from shore leave, so we'll be able to leave soon."

"Are you sure you want to go home?"

"Of course I am! The Federation is a bunch of smoking ashes now, and I want to go home and savor the destruction like a true evil villain! Just out of curiosity, why do you ask?"

"Oh, no reason..."

Meanwhile, back in the Star Trek universe, the Relativity was continuing its search for the alternate timeline villains unleashed by the Excelsior's temporal shockwave.

Ducane arrived on the bridge to find Braxton napping in his chair. "Wake up, sir!"

Braxton was startled. "What? What's going on? Did we find another one of those bad guys?"

"No, sir."

"When are we going to run into another one of those guys, anyway? It's been a while since I fixed the whole Annorax problem..."

Sulu muttered, "You fixed it? You couldn't find your way out of a paper bag..."

Braxton, not having heard Sulu's remark, settled back into his chair. "So, what is the problem, Ducane?"

"No problem, sir. It's just that its against Starfleet regulations for the commanding officer to sleep on the bridge."

"That's a stupid rule!"

"No, it isn't."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, sir."

"Well, okay. If you say so..."

Dax interrupted the captain. "Sir, I'm picking up a powerful subspace signature from a nearby system."

"Yeah, yeah. Wake me up when you figure out what it is..."

"Actually, sir. I've already figured out what it is. A planet just popped out of nowhere!"

"Big deal. It's been done before. I'm sure you remember 'Meridian,' Dax."

"Yes, but this planet is sending out a Starfleet distress signal!"

"Hmm... Is it the Excelsior?"

"Negative, sir."

"Well, set a course for the planet. Maximum hyperwarp!"

Back in the Babylon 5 universe, the Excelsior finally reached the end of its journey. However, something was very wrong...

"What do you mean there's no planet here?"

Valtane pointed at the viewscreen. "I mean there's no planet here, sir! Look for yourself!"

Sure enough, there were no planets in the system. Evil Braxton began to bash the Apocalypse Box against a bulkhead. "You said there would be something here, you obnoxious storage device!"

"If you would OW! stop bashing me OW! against the wall OW! for a second and OW! look outside you'd OW! see it OW!"

Valtane confirmed it. "Sir, there's a planet coming out of a subspace inversion!"

"Is there anything on it that can send us home?"

"I'm picking up massive subspace signals down there. It could indicate some sort of dimensional gateway. I'm also picking up some sort of distress signal down there."

"Not for long! We found this planet first! Whoever's down there can leave!"

"Actually, sir, whoever is down there found it first."

"Shut up, Valtane! Can we beam down?"

"Under normal circumstances, no. However, since we have no shuttlecraft, and the story would be a dead end if we couldn't get down there, we can."

"Excellent. Everyone get to Transporter Room 1!"

Back in the Star Trek universe, Captain Braxton and the rest of the senior staff beamed down the planet's surface. Everyone began scanning for the source of the distress signal.

Braxton cheered. "I finally did it!"

Ducane came over. "You found the source of the distress signal with your tricorder?"

"Tricorder? I thought we were all playing with our Game Boys... I just beat Super Mario Bros!"

However, they didn't have to scan any longer, for someone was running up to them. Captain Braxton shouted out to him. "Hello! We're here to rescue you!"

The person shouted back, "Great! You know, the Russians inwented greetings!"

Braxton froze in fear. "Ducane, please tell me that is not who I think it is..."

"I'm afraid I can't, sir."

Finally, the man was close enough that they could see who he was. It was... (like you don't know already) Pavel Chekov!

"I've finally been rescued! You know, the Russians inwented rescues..."

"Chekov? Shouldn't you be dead by now?"

"No. This planet appears for one day every hundred years. I was on my way to enjoy my retirement when the planet appeared and I crashed into it!"

"Yeah, yeah. Let's go..."

"Wait! We can't go! He'll come through!"

"He? Who's he? And come through what?"

"I'll show you. Follow me..."

Chekov lead them all to a cave where he'd set up camp. Inside was a strange gatelike device. "I have been the only one standing between him and here!"

Ducane interrupted. "Why don't you start from the beginning?"

"Fine. When I crashed here, I found this device. Hoping it would take me somewhere else, I entered the gateway. Inside, I found him! He's trying to get to our universe, to wreak havoc!"

"What's he look like?"

"Exactly like me, except he's dressed all in black, and he's evil. And he was definitely not Russian!"

"Hmm... Looks exactly like Chekov, dressed in black, evil, and not Russian... Who could that possibly be?"


"My name is not Chekov. It's Bester. Alfred Bester."

Evil Braxton looked skeptical. "Are you sure? You look just like Chekov..."

"I am not Chekov!"

"Okay, okay. So, uh, are there any interdimensional tunnels, portals, vortices, or anything of the sort around here?"

"As a matter of fact, there's an interdimensional gateway over in the cave I've been living in for the past few centuries."

"Centuries? Shouldn't you be dead by now?"

"You have a hamster for a helmsman, and you're trying to tell me what makes sense?"

"Point taken. I don't suppose we could use this gateway?"

"Sure, but we'll have to get by him..."


"Yes, this annoying little man who looks just like me, except that he speaks in a horrible Russian accent and claims the Russians invented everything."

"Aha! That's Chekov! So the gateway does lead back to our universe! Quick, everybody, to the Batcave!"

"Okay, okay. We'll take care of this evil non-Russian Chekov clone, then we'll take you off this planet."

"Excellent! Everybody through the portal!"

"Okay, okay. We'll take care of Chekov, and then we'll take you into our universe. But, are you really sure you want to go there? I mean, we destroyed everything there..."

"Yes, I'm sure! Everybody through the portal!"

(see next post)

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