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Star Trek: Serenity Now

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#1 Smyth Wesson

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Posted 10 March 2008 - 12:36 AM

Star Trek: Serenity Now

By Smyth Wesson

Chapter 1: Project Serene Angel

In the year 2380, the Dominion managed to reopen the Bajoran Wormhole, using a mysterious device known only as a "Doorstop". Dominion Bugships swarmed through the wormhole and annihlated DS9, although it put up a good fight, claiming 220 ships in the process.

The Dominion started to rampage across Federation space. World-by-world, they conquered without discrimination. An already weakened Starfleet was poor in it's response, barely managing to keep the core worlds of the Federation from being conquered.

The Battle of Rigel was Starfleet's last stand. The 5th fleet, lead by the Serenity-B, valiantly defended the Rigel system. Those 300 ships managed to slaughter about 900 Dominion ships, including 20 Battleships. However, due to poor battlefield manuevering, 299 of the 5th fleet's ships were wiped out by crashing into each other (what they get for talking on their cellphones).

The Serenity-B valiantly fought the Dominion ships, but it was destroyed when 342 torpedoes and 891 polaron beams all struck the bridge at once.

From then on, Dominion forces continued to pile into the core worlds, taking Arrakis, then sector ZZ9 Z Plural Alpha, then Planet Druidia, then finally, Earth.

Only a few Starfleet ships managed to escape into the depths of space: The USS Enterprise, the USS Poseidon, the USS Atlantis, the USS Salem and the USS Cassini.

The ships formed a new society, the Rebellion and formed a secret base on the jungle planet Norion, where they started fortifying it. They built a drydock in orbit and began work on their most secret of projects. Project Serene Angel.

Meanwhile, the Klingons, Romulans, Cardassians and Bajorans declared war on the Dominion and started attacking their border outposts. They used gorrilla tactics, making very loud noises and throwing poo at them.

It was then that the Rebellion completed Project Serene Angel. It was a ship, the USS Serenity-Evolution. They couldn't use -C, because that wasn't cool-enough sounding. The Serenity-EVO represents the greatest technology available to the Rebels. With 88 pulse phaser turrets, 52 phaser arrays and 21 torpedo tubes, the Serenity-EVO would totally pwn some n00bs. With it's Omega Particle Reactor, Slipstream Drive, Endgame armor, and temporal quantam regenerative multivectral infinitley-modulating shield generators, it was the most advanced ship in the whole quadrant!!!

The Serenity-EVO was placed under the command of Captain Jack Hammer, a survivor of the Setlek III Massacre, Wolf 359, The Battle of Sector 001, the Battle of Chin'toka and the Battle of The Breakfast Club.

They were ready. And they were back. And this time, they were not happy.

When the Dominion Emperor was sitting in his room on Earth, laughing about having conquered the Federation as always. Laughing is in fact, his favorite pasttime. But I digress. A Rebel fleet consisting of the Serenity-EVO, the Enterprise-E, the Poseidon-B, the Atlantis, the Salem-C and the Cassini warped into orbit. So the Emperor hailed them.

"Ha ha ha! Do you expect to save Earth with such a pitiful fleet?"

His CSO, Lieutenant Scardeypants turned to face Captain Hammer in shock.

"Sir, 900,000 Dominion Ships are approaching!"

His CoS, Badass McAwesome looked at the Captain for guidance. "Sir, what will we do?"

Jack Hammer dramatically swung his arm in the air and pointed forward, like Phoenix Wright. "Damn the Dominion ships! Full speed ahead! Shields to full, deploy the armor!"

Then the rebel ships flew right into the heart of the Dominion fleet. They were slicing them apart left and right with their phasers while the pulse phaser turrets took out the fighter crafts.

They were doing well until the Enterprise got hit by a torpedo.

'"Oh no," Said Captain Picard "we got hit by a torpedo"

Admiral Janeway, onboard the Atlantis, decided it was time to act. "All ships, Emergency Plan Gamma!"

The Enterprise, Atlantis, Cassini, Salem, and Poseidon all moved towards each other as parts all over their surfaces started moving. Then they combined together into a giant robot.

"Alpha Warrior... formed." Said Janeway at the main console in the Alpha Warrior's control room.

Alpha Warrior and the Serenity-EVO are about equal in strength, so they were soon plowing through the Dominion formations without effort. They made their way to the center of the fleet, but they were still vastly outnumbered, 100,000 Dominion Ships were still left. They started wearing down Alpha Warrior and Serenity-EVO's shields. Just when their shields were about to fail, 80,000 photon torpedoes slammed into the Dominion fleet.

The reinforcements had arrived! 300,000 Romulan, Klingon, Cardassian, Bajoran and Ferengi ships flew straight into the Dominion fleet, brutally mowing down everything in their paths.

The hour of victory was upon them, at long last. The combined fleet rejoiced, having a totally epic huge party. Then, suddenly, the Dominion Superbattleships Achernar and Sirrus came up off of Earth's surface. They were huge, the size of a small moon.

The Achernar and Sirrus melted all 300,000 Romulan, Klingon, Cardassian and Ferengi ships in one fell swipe. Then, in one shot each, they took down the shields of the Alpha Warrior and the Serenity-EVO.

They had no other choice. Captain Hammer initiated the last-ditch plan. The Serenity-EVO merged with the Alpha Warrior, giving it cool shoulder-mounted guns, glowing bits all over and angelic-looking mechanical wings.

Jack Hammer understood now, what this was all about. This was his destiny.

They had formed the ultimate weapon in the universe. The Alpha Warrior Superion.

Superion then clapped it's hands together, forming an awesome sword made of energy fire and sliced the Achernar in half, causing it to explode.

Then, it turned to face the Sirrus, prepared to take it down in one blow.

But then, the Sirrus started unfolding into a giant mechanical... PLATYPUS. So the Sirrus attacked the Superion, ripping into it with it's extremely sharp leg spines. Superion threw it off with it's massive strength, but Sirrus Prime was charging it's main weapon. The combined crew of Superion barely had time to react and formed the hands together to fire a bright blue energy blast. Sirrus Prime's bill opened and fired a red beam.

The two beams met together in between the 2 machines of war, moving back in forth in a struggle of power. Just when it seemed all was lost, Geordi managed to get Super Destructor Mode online. Captain Inneffective argued against it since it was untested, but everyone ignored him because he wasn't a main character.

Panels all over Superion's body opened up as various missiles and pods containing missiles moved into firing positions. They then flew out at Sirrus Prime, covering it with explosions. When the space-smoke cleared, Sirrus was covered in hull breaches with fire belching out of it and electricity arcing all over it.

Superion then delivered the coup de grace with it's cool energy sword, slicing off Sirrus Prime's head and causing it to explode.

They won.

Then Captain Hammer hailed the Dominion Emperor and demanded he surrender.

"Ha, you can never defeat me. You may have taken out my fleet, but I control all of Earth's defenses and have 1 billion troops defending me. Do your worst."

"Big mistake, pal" said Hammer as he fired a beam at the Emperor's palace.

The beam bounced off of Earth's shield and hit Superion, sending it flying and crashing into the moon.

"We're gonna need a new plan" Said Hammer.


Man, that hurt my brain to write that.

In case you couldn't tell, that was a wee little bit of satire.
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#2 Cris Carter

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Posted 10 March 2008 - 05:19 PM

Now thats some funny story. I can just imagine the pictures lol

#3 Arron Dominion

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Posted 11 March 2008 - 07:15 PM

That is awesome/hilarious all in one bowl
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#4 Smyth Wesson

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Posted 29 December 2008 - 06:45 PM

Star Trek: Serenity Now
By Smyth Wesson

Chapter 2: The Siege of Madrigal

The assault was on. All allied forces were closing in on Earth's main shield. Klingon reinforcements showed up and the Resistance Fleet was pounding Earth's shield with phaser fire and torpedoes.

Earth's shield collapsed.

Superion and the rest of the fleet started beaming troops down to the Federation capital on Earth, but when they got there, the Dominion Emperor was gone. Suddenly, the lights went out, and all they heard before they died was fiendish, maniacal laughter.


Captain Jack Hammer sat down on his ready room. He was relaxing after a long day's work.

"Boy," he said, "it sure is boring around here."


"Who said that?"


"Who's there?"

"It's me... that box of donuts on your desk. Eat us Jack, you know you want to."

"No... I'll get fat."

"Resistance is futile."

"Oh, you're right. OM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM."

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